The BREAKING OF SPIRIT; the STEALING OF SOUL

I have read an essay written by a Domestic Violence survivor that struck chords in my heart.  I thought to myself as I read her essay; “How beautifully this woman has captured the pain and placed her fingers on it as precise as it is.” Excerpts that struck me deep are on the meme below.

 

As I have previously mentioned in a different post; I was deemed by many as a promising youth. People who have known me; see a beautiful soul, a strong character. I know they all mean well when they tell me to bring back the “old me”; but, it is not as easy. Sometimes, the allegory of the “old self” seems encouraging but in more truth, it is confusing.  At the point of all pain, unexpressed disappointments, shame and fear; the “old self” is not an easy image. This woman nailed it down.

There is further a point of not having the words to express. It is not a desire to clam up or hide or exclude the people who are around; but the lack of appropriate words to express what exactly is going on at the very moment.

And yes, over all those battles we go through emotionally and psychologically; we have to confront our physical reality.  We have to bounce back or manage financially. Being lent money is good. We appreciate the speedy aid given. And yet this is not substantial to our almost diminishing esteem. The acknowledgement of its need make us gratefully receive the assistance. Often, it is the capacity to earn rightfully for the pressing need that we inherently need. We do not want to be a burden.  We already feel burdened.

It is a real myriad of emotions and logical imbalances. Aptly, it is a methodical breaking of the spirit and the stealing of the soul and what used to be the concrete knowledge of who we are. It is a search for our lost faith in ourselves. It is a questioning of WHEN we’ll be whole again with some sort of semblance of a normal life.