Of Inner Struggles: Learning to Forgive Myself

People often say; “It is not easy to forgive.” And I guess it is harder to be forgiving to oneself. But it is essential.

I recall the ironic episodes of my life when I had to tell myself I should forgive me. It is as if, I do not know. How can I not know? I have been helping people through coaching and counseling since my late 20's.

The very same point of view, I asked myself  then; when I was thinking of what has happened and was feeling much of the pain. How could I not have known? How was I unable to see those coming? How did I get here? How did I help them and not help myself? How can I not know when I deal with this $h*T for others? And yes, how can I be so unforgiving of myself.

I found so much shame in myself. I was ashamed of myself. I couldn’t forgive myself and I couldn’t tell anyone how painfully crushing it was to trip over a very familiar rock. I felt stupid.

I couldn’t find comfort from family and friends because I didn’t know how to tell them. It was too painfully embarrassing for me. I could not come up with words to tell how it was so painful and stupid and confusing altogether.

But life is good despite all. I found new friends to share my journey with. I found new people who didn’t know much of me. A new door opened. I began to appreciate strangers. They welcomed my bruises and allowed them to bleed. They told me it was all right to not know cause after all “we are not perfect beings…there are things we think we know, but never truly know.” I was allowed to cry. My vulnerability was challenged. Soon, these strangers are not just another faces in the crowd. They've become my friends. Some, are now, a new family.




I began my steps to forgiving me. I came to acceptance, I am still flawed. I may have helped a lot before but that doesn’t mean I don’t need help myself. People need people.

I forgave me.