In Retrospect: My Old Questions and Rationalizations
I recall asking myself whether it was wrong to stay in the abusive relationship? I knew well, it was. But the reason I was in confusion back then was because I felt pushed further towards it. I wondered then what should I have done then when logistics and finances crippled my circumstances? Who do I turn to when the inner circle of your life closed the door and pushed you back. Their reason was the marriage. They argued it has to be saved.
I have asked if there as ever a point of working out the abusive relationship. I had wondered how to work out something that dries out and kills your soul.
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| Forgiveness,Letting Go and Healing |
Anybody who would have worn my shoes would have felt irritated, disappointed and very much angered. I had been through that hell of a roller coaster ride. I am not a saint, I have gotten tired many times along the way. But, I told myself that I was a wife. I am a mother. We are a family. Not out of obligation, but out of commitment that I have chosen to be tough and to be still. I held on as long as I could.
I have chosen not to dwell on the anger, disgust and irritation. I had since then, acknowledged the need for action. Amidst the confusion, I responded with all the energy and inertia I had. I chose to act as lovingly as I could have.
Still, I am no martyr. I came to the threshold. I reached out to him. He finally decided to push me away. He pushed me out and locked the door on my face. My last strand of dignity demanded respect. I decided not to look back. I decided not to plead. I decided to let go.
After all has been said and done, you will know you made the right decision when despite having picked the hardest and most painful choice; your heart is at peace.
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